Companions of the Way
In the Daoist tradition, the relationship between teacher and student as well as
between fellow practitioners is often referred to as "companions of the Way" (daoban
道伴/daoyou 道友). "Companions of the Way" expresses the central importance of friendship
in Daoist cultivation. Companions of the Way share an understanding of and commitment
to a Daoist way of life, including the specific principles (energetic and ethical),
goals, and ideals of one’s specific community. Such friendship is spiritual friendship,
an easy and natural relationship based on mutual respect and mutual flourishing.
Companions of the Way are adepts with natural affinities and parallel aspirations
who recognize their own practice-realization in each other. In determining the appropriateness
of potential companions, one must examine the character of people before becoming
friends with them. Some important qualities include humaneness, respect, reverence,
honesty, reliability, discernment, insight, generosity, and wisdom. Such qualities
as honesty, integrity, and genuineness are vital. Character, including intentions
and motivations, is especially important with regard to spiritual matters.
One of the best classical descriptions of friendship in Daoism occurs in chapter
six of the Zhuangzi 莊子 (Book of Master Zhuang): “Master Si, Master Yu, Master Li,
and Master Lai were talking together. ‘Who can regard non-action as his head, life
as his back, and death as his rump? Who knows that death and life, existence and
annihilation, are a single body? I will be his friend.’ The four looked at each other
and smiled. There was no obstruction in their heart-minds (mo ni yu xin 莫逆於心) and
so they became friends.” Here the emphasis is on natural affinity.
Similarly, Wang Chongyang 王重陽 (1113-1170), the founder of Quanzhen 全真 (Complete Perfection)
Daoism, provides practical advice on choosing a companion. According to Wang, there
are three types of people who will nourish and advance one’s practice and three types
who will harm and hinder one’s training: “Join those with an illuminated heart-mind
(mingxin 明心), wisdom (hui 慧), or clear aspirations (zhi 志). Avoid those who are ignorant
concerning external projections of the heart-mind, who lack wisdom and are turbid
in innate nature, or who lack determination and are inclined to quarrel.”
Companions of the Way provide depth and warmth to cultivation, reminding and reorienting
one towards what is essential and real.
